• Bold & Beloved

Be The YOU That You Want to Date

This blog is different from anything I’ve ever written before, but there have been so many things in my life recently that have pointed and led me to feel like I need to share this.

I want to share a little bit of my dating history to encourage any young girls or women who are in a season of:


I too, was once in this place and I want to tell you that there is hope… but sometimes you have to seek it for yourself and you have to have God on your side!

Here is a piece of my current dating story:

I am dating the most fantastic guy I could have ever asked and prayed for!

I have never met someone quite like Matt, and the greatest (and most ironic) thing about dating him is that I never expected to be dating someone with looks like his in a million years. His physical appearances are nothing of what I expected to see myself dating.


Go ask my co-workers from when I was in high school… I’m positive that they will laugh and tell you that I was afraid of large men with beards.  LOL.

What I learned through this is that in life, God doesn’t always give you what you THINK you want, but He does give you what you need.

Speaking of what I need, I think it is safe to say that in the beginning of dating Matt, some of the most important and crucial prayed over criteria I had for my future boyfriend were not only met but exceeded.

Matt made it extremely apparent to me on our first date that Jesus was his number one focus and the center of his life! On top of these things, I was able to see over time that Matt was also courteous, kindhearted, funny, well spoken, handsome, and several other things that I found important in a man! These were just a small portion of the traits and attributes that I had prayed for, and through our time together, I have seen so many of the qualities I have looked for become evident in Matt’s character.

Let me express what a joy this was to me! It proved even more to me that God is sure to provide when we are actively obeying and pursuing Him!

Earlier in the week, I read a phrase in one of my classes (which inspired this post). It read this:

“Be the YOU that YOU would want to date.”

I don’t want this to come off the wrong way or in a braggadocio demeanor, but when I met Matt, I was exemplifying exactly the type of person who I wanted to be dating. I possessed many of the characteristics that I was praying for. I was setting life goals. I was working hard. I was reaching out of my comfort zone. I was actively seeking Jesus.

I was living the life of the person I was on the search for.

When I met Matt, he was more of an addition to my life, which I thought was already in an awesome place! Let me reiterate the fact that he was an extremely welcomed addition… but had I not have met him I would still be a complete and happy person on my own.

I think this is what so many women (myself included) are missing on their journey of finding “the one.”

As women, we have a tendency to look for someone to complete us, someone to make us feel like a million bucks, someone to treat us with respect and kindness, and someone to be a lifelong friend… but the problem is that as women, we have a tendency to not always want to do the hard work that is often times required before the good appears.

Sometimes as women, we don’t work on completing ourselves. We do not seek Christ as our first priority, but we wait for someone else to come and supplement our Christ fill for us.

Sometimes as women, we don’t always take the time to remind ourselves that we are beautiful and worthy. We don’t self-love. We don’t celebrate ourselves. We don’t make ourselves feel like a million bucks.

Sometimes as women, we don’t treat ourselves with respect and kindness. We abuse and manipulate our bodies to fit a certain size of jeans, or maybe we binge drink, or maybe we cut, or maybe we bounce around from guy to guy, or maybe we obsess over our looks to the point of unhealthiness… whatever the case, it is not always respect and kindness to our own being.

Sometimes as women we do not learn how to become our own lifelong friend. We get angsty in the moments when we are alone. We crave the attention of others. We consume ourselves of social media. We depend on having a constant stream of weekend plans. We are so uncomfortable around ourselves that we put being our own advocate and best friend on the back-burner. Sometimes as women, we expect our boyfriend/fiancé/husband to step in and do the job for us… but I have news.

He can’t do it for you.

You have to be the YOU first, in order to date the YOU later.

A man can bring such joy and happiness into your life, but you have to learn how to love your life and yourself first… because without loving your life first, you are never going to have these voids filled by someone else.

It took me forever to fully get to this place and to understand it for myself. I had the dating struggles of not understanding why I was not finding someone to fill these things for me.

So I totally get it, and it sucks… but I encourage all ladies who are reading this to learn to be your own advocate in life. Learn how to love you! Spend crazy amounts of time in your Bible. Join a women’s life group. Start going to the gym. Start setting goals for life.

Become a person that you love, and I promise that in God’s timing, He will send someone to fall in love with the YOU. It is worth the wait. It is worth the hardship. It is worth the questioning. It is worth being surprised that the person does not look like you expected them to (i.e a large man with a beard)

It is worth it all.

God never fails.

Keep on praying, ladies! Stay true to yourselves and follow God’s Word!

I hope this was encouraging to you!!

Thanks for reading,


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