• Bold & Beloved

Letting Go: Lessons From a Control Freak

Stop worrying about what happens next… let God take care of you! 

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”- Matthew 6:33-34

Have you ever found yourself in a low spot, begging for a change in your life, waiting to be delivered from a desert or drought in life? Maybe you envision a path for your life that is not being reached and seems so far away, or maybe you are plastering on a fake smile when on the inside you feel like your life makes no sense. Does this sound like something you’ve struggled with?

Yeah? Me too….

But here is the thing:

God has placed you in this season of life for a reason. It may not be the most glamorous or the most thrilling season of your life- but you are here, so live in it fully and live it for Him.

This is something I have had to learn to come to terms with over the last year, and it is still a spot where the enemy tries to keep me down. The enemy tells me over and over again, “you’ll never find love!”, “you are never going to be as smart as that girl!”, or “you are not worthy of attention from that person, in fact, they probably only fake being friends with you.”

Does this sound like a similar script that you are living out in your own mind?

I know for myself I struggle to enjoy the smallest moments in my life because I consume myself with these negative thoughts and with my earthly emotions. I allow myself to fixate on what is not going well in my life and I forget to acknowledge the One who created me.

I’ll say that again…. created ME. and you, He made YOU too.

I forget to thank Him and I forget to live my life with reckless abandon for Him, even though I have knowing that He will provide everything for me. I forget to give it ALL to Him. I get busy and I forget to take five minutes to praise Him for putting me in my current spot in life.

I am the type of girl who likes to give the parts of my life that I feel comfortable and secure with over to Him, but the parts of my life that the outside world can see, I try to keep locked down and on my own restrictions. I do not give the emotional side of me to Christ- and this ultimately always leads to failure. I opt to hold my vulnerable side from God and I keep my emotions and concerns for my future inside of a vault that I only access when I feel as though I have time to be in tune with them.

I know that I am not the only person who feels like this… we all struggle with the bombardment of the world’s noise and the noise of the enemy.

I am writing this blog with tears overflowing from my eyes because I forget to take my own advice at times. It is hard to separate feelings of loneliness and need for others approval in order to find our identity in Christ. I beg for the attention and love of others, and more often than not, I find I am let down. This is by no one’s fault but my own. I feel low and struggle with sadness, only because I do not appreciate what Christ has given me in the moment. I say that I am trusting him, yet I stress out when something does not go my way.

The resolve to this, I am quickly learning, is to truly hand it all to God. I have to learn to let go of the things that I want to be in control of because I cannot handle them myself. My worries of finding love, getting internships, and building my life according to my “five-year plan” are so insignificant and require me to let all of my fears and doubts melt away and let God take over with His grace. When we stop trying to lead ourselves through a drought and we trust in God to get us through life, He promises to provide for us. God has divine plans for us- He does not want to see us falter and stress. He wants us to follow Him and enjoy our days here, trusting our everything in Him.

This is hard at times for me to swallow my pride and to let it all go, but I know in the end, it is worth it and will bring me true happiness and fulfilment in life.

I pray you learn the same through this!


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