• Rachel Spack

To The Girl Looking For Some Real Friends


Have any of you ever felt like you’re just looking for some real friends? Have you ever felt all alone and like no one really gets you?

Have you ever felt on edge like you’ll only be someone’s friend until someone better comes along?


I’m pretty sure that almost every single one of us girls have felt like this, and yes, that even includes the girl who always seems to have hundreds of friends around her.


I know from personal experience that sometimes even when we’re surrounded by friends, we still don’t feel understood, we still don’t feel like we matter, or we still don’t feel like we fit in.

God does want us to have real, good friends, friends who are leading us back to Him always. We weren’t designed to go it all alone!


1 Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character."

So how can you find the kind of friends that make you feel accepted, understood, and like you belong? How can you find real friends & keep them?


Girls, the more I’ve been learning I’ve come to realize that in order to HAVE good friends we have to BE good friends. How?


I’ve got 10 tips below for you on

How to Be the Kind of Friend You’re Looking For:


1. Answer Her Calls

I’ll admit that at times I’ve been guilty of being the friend who never gets back to someone. I get busy, I have a lot going on, I just don’t have time, or I feel like it’s not important enough – these are all the excuses I’ve used when I’ve ignored my friends.


But girls, if you want to have & keep friends – you have to act like a friend! I get it, that sometimes your friend is just sending you memes, complaining about the same old problems again, or is asking to borrow something for the 100th time, but that doesn’t mean you’re in the right to ignore her! I’m not suggesting that you reply to everyone, right away, all the time, but I am saying it’s important you don’t forget to reply, you don’t forget to call back, and you don’t forget to talk to her.


You need to be available in a healthy way.

Relationships, including friendships, are built on communication & sharing. You can’t expect to keep friends if you aren’t talking to them!


2. Listen As Much As You Talk

I’m not going to lie, this one is hard sometimes.

If you’re anything like me, your first instinct when someone shares anything with you is to respond. Whether that response is advice, input, or agreement, you like to get a word in. Communication is a whole lot more than talking and a requires a whole lot of listening as well. Make an effort to listen just as much as you speak to your friends.


3. Love Her at Her Worst – Proverbs 17:17 “a friend loves at all times”

You’re going to disagree with your friends. You’re going to be hurt by your friends. You’re going to be angry with your friends and want to judge them or abandon them at times. Your friends are never going to be perfect, but neither are you.

If you want a friend that is going to love you, care for you, care about you, listen to you, and support you – even when you’re at your lowest of lows, then you need to be willing to be that friend for someone else.


4. Don’t Compete With Her Other Friends – Proverbs 16:28 "A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends."

Have you ever gotten jealous of your “best friend” for being “best friends” with someone else? I know I have. But here’s the thing. Your friends are allowed to have other friends too! Actually, you should encourage them to have other friendships in their lives. Any of us girls benefit from having a strong group of girls around us, so don’t let your jealousy hold back your friends from having their own strong community of girls. Instead of being jealous of your friends other friends, try to connect with them and accept them.


5. Tell Her All the Things You Wish Someone Told You

What if your friend told you all the things you wish someone else would tell you? What if your friend encouraged you, uplifted you, spoke truth into you, and inspired you?

What if you were this kind of friend to someone else?


Instead of wishing we had friends who encouraged us we can start encouraging our friends. We can start loving our friends the way we want to be loved.


6. Don’t Flip Out – Colossians 3:13 "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."


Things are going to happen in your relationship. There will be bumps in the road, changes, misunderstandings, disagreements, and all sorts of other issues but don’t flip out. Don’t go crazy. Be quick to forgive and slow to get angry.


7. Think Before You React

Don’t make rash decisions or quick responses. When something happens take a minute, take a breathe, and do not spew off harsh words right away! Control your tongue, control your response, and control your reactions. I don’t think anyone of us want a friend who goes off the deep end the second something happens that they aren’t happy with – so don’t be that kind of friend!


8. Don’t Let Boys Get In the Way

Now girls, I’m not saying your friend has to be your number one relationship for life, because obviously when the day comes that you find Mr. right HE should be your best friend. But girls, do not fight over that boy. Do not let Him split your friendship apart. Do not let your jealousy, anger, or crush get in the way of your friendships, it's just not worth it!


9. Watch Out for Her - 1 Samuel 18:4 "Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow, and his belt."

Tell her not to go to that party. Tell her not to go with that guy. Tell her not to join that group. Don’t tell her not to do things because you don’t want the best for her, tell her not to do things that aren’t the best for her. You can’t make choices for her and you can’t control her, but you can speak truth to her that other people are too afraid to say. You should care about her enough to tell her when you think something is dangerous or risky for her.


10. Lead Her Back to The Bible

No matter what you do in your friendship – always go back to Jesus.

No matter what you think, what advice you want to give, or what you feel, take it to Jesus and see what He says & where He leads. The best way to be a good friend, have a good friend, and keep a good friend is to have that friendship built around Jesus and His word. We all get in funks sometimes and we all feel a little distant from Jesus, the kind of friend I want is the kind that’s going to be real with me and going to lead me back to where I need to be – HIS arms. Always, always lead your friend back to Jesus because that’s what they need most.


Girls, I’m convinced the more I learn about friendship, the more I see that having good friends is a result of a being a good friend. Feeling loved, encouraged, understood, and connected with by your friends is a result of being all of those things to your friend.


Most of all, I’m convinced that any friendship that has Jesus at the center, is a friendship worth having for life.


So I challenge all of us today to put as much effort into BEING a good friend as we do in trying to find good friends.


- Rachel

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